Last week I cleaned the house mostly from top to bottom. I've been making sure to tidy up a bit each day and o far I'm doing well. Everything is mostly clean again, and I've only been working for about an hour and a half. The worse part is sweeping and mopping. I have to save up a little money for a new broom and mop. The mop is on it's last leg, and I have no idea how old my broom is, it was here before I was.
I'm only taking a break to let the kitchen and the hall way floors dry. I sort of left my paper towels and my cleaner in the hall, and I'm not able to walk on my floor. I'd have to kill myself. I'd kill anyone else that stepped a toe on them.
Alight, so this is going to be a random change in topic but Angel's at his appointment and it's the first time since I moved here I haven't been with him. It makes me feel all the more useless and like I'm going to be replaced. I hate those feelings, but it's hard not to feel that way a little. I do everything around the house, I cook, I clean, I take care of the brat, and I try to keep my school work up to date. I'm failing to do that because I'm stuck on math, but that's beside the point. I feel like if Angel gets better, there will be no need for me. What else can I offer? I'm a house wife. It's what I do. I don't know if I do it well, but I do do it. I'm pretty good at cleaning, I'm okay at cooking, and I do an okay job with the Brat.
I don't want to be replaced, and no longer needed.
Last night I finally told him this, but I'm not sure he understands. That's okay I guess, but it's a little rough. To feel this way, and to worry about him at his appointment. I want him to get better. I do. I want him to stand by my side in everything that we want for ourselves. So am I allowed to be fearful? I don't have the answer to that.
I'm finally done with all the cleaning. I had to go take out trash and beat the cats up for trying to tear the bag open. Well. I'm tired and sweaty. I think I might take a shower.